By Stew Bittman, D.C.
Smack dab in the middle of my second day of "poor me", I take to pen because, for me, clarity often follows writing like a dutiful hound. Things have been so incredibly wonderful, and I've been feeling very much focused on and connected to Innate, while being very much aware of the often-instantaneous and bountiful manifestation of all my desires. Opportunities have arisen in abundance at every turn, events have followed a clear rhythm of synchronicity, people that I have needed to connect with have appeared magically, blessings and gifts have rained on me in a deluge.
I find myself, literally daily, sharing a private chuckle with myself, amused over the repetitive thot of, "wow, didn't THAT work out perfectly?" Yesterday, for instance, I learned that a cruise ship that my family was originally "supposed" to be on (but for various reasons we had rescheduled for later in the year), had a "minor mishap" at sea in which at least 3 people sustained broken bones and a ton more had the crap scared out of them. That is just the latest example of the perfect flow that has been my life.
So, what happened yesterday? All of a sudden, I found myself focusing on things I thought I had pretty much let go of. Things like jealousy and judgment and lack. And this was going on while I was adjusting! It has become so rare to be anything but totally focused and connected in the office that at first I was unsure what was happening. When I heard myself asking, "where is so and so", and when I heard myself barking at family and staff like a frightened mongrel, I started to get the idea. So I used my tools. I directed the luminescent beam of my presence and awareness on these thots. They very calmly put on their sunglasses. I loved them and blessed them. They really liked that. I laughed at them. They laughed right back. I did my Chi Gung exercise specifically for getting rid of bad chi. They simply laughed at me in Chinese. I replaced them with thots of gratitude, connection, abundance, and Spirit. As soon as my back was turned, they gleefully stole the spotlight once again. I surrendered, and they've been waltzing across the dance floor of my consciousness ever since.
Two bits of what seems like good news just occurred to me. One is that through this whole thing I (Innate) have been watching. Observing. Noticing. Feeling. And in doing so I have discovered how much my mind still limits Me. What nerve! I created the damned thing! Its physical nature and its thots are made of My Divine Substance, and all it wants to do is screw Me up. Here I am continually pouring out My Essence of love and service to this body, this mind, and all creation, and the best my mind can come up with is, "where's so and so"? Yapping, whining, groaning, and sucking its thumb? Yep, full of shit, all right.
Even while I have focused on feeling the stuck energy inside of me, intending to be with it and let it go, my mind has cut in on my attention like an over-eager suitor at a dance, wanting to characterize and label the feeling. Well, my little demon mind, you are nuts, yet I know deep in my Being that as I continue to watch you, you will shape up. And, in the meantime, I must admit that you have served me rather well on occasion.
Which brings me to the second bit of good news. In the book "Das Energi", by Paul Williams, he says something to the effect of, "To go 95% of the way is to suffer total insanity; to go all the way is to be free." I can relate. This has seemed like insanity. I realized at times over the past 2 days that I was just being tested, and my mind clung to its mantra of "I don't need this test anymore." I guess it was wrong. For now I see very clearly that I have not gone all the way. I am not yet free. And this insanity is as perfect as everything else has been. It is ego mind's last stand (hopefully!). It is its desperate attempt to get me to continue to identify with it. That's why it has taken such lengths to get me to figure all this out. "Maybe", it dreams, "if I figure this out for him, he'll let me back on center stage. Maybe if I keep him busy with my yarns of separation he'll forget everything he's learned."
I realize now that I have been observing and noticing my thots with my mind. I have been judging them from a place that I thot was Me, but was merely a different facade. What I didn't do was accept them as perfect. Perfect because they clearly point out where the cracks in my sacred container are, perfect because they clearly show me the piles of excrement that they manifest, perfect because they are born from Perfection. Certainly no less perfect than all the "good" stuff that has shown up in my life lately. Maybe I'll never get "all the way there", but the next time I am in this place, I will not judge it as anything other than perfect.
Well, I'm not sure if you would call all that clarity, but I sure as hell feel a lot better. I feel as if another layer has been peeled; another mask discarded. How many more remain is a mystery. And all this has been a further unfolding of the Great Mystery. I am left with gratitude for my process, gratitude for my mission, gratitude for all you fellow servants of that mission, and, mostly, gratitude for the perfection that is, and for the Source of it. On to the next layer!
Dr. Stew Bittman's video, "The Mission of Chiropractic" is now available from Planet Chiropractic. In this video, recorded at one of his weekly evening talks, Dr. Bittman communicates the big picture of chiropractic - the ability to express our life's full potential free from interference.
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